“如果我当时再努力一些，我就能考上”“如果我当时再多运动一些，我就能更瘦”…
你是不是也说过这样的话？这就是懊悔！
任何人都有懊悔的时候，悔不及当初。
但是有人问了懊悔有用吗？人真的有必要懊悔吗？
美国作家daniel pink会告诉你懊悔是怎样的一种情感。
今天读的文章来自《时代周刊》,是一篇采访类的文章。
“不后悔”哲学令人遗憾地兴起
daniel pink is the author of several best-selling booksthat probe human behavior. he’s written on the importance of timing, themechanism behind motivation, and the sociology of selling things. his new book,the power of regret: how looking backward moves us forward, isabout the wrongheadedness of the “no regrets” credo.
daniel pink 是一位有着好几本畅销书的作家，他的每本书探讨的是人类行为。
他的书关于的是时机的重要性，动机背后的原理以及售卖物品的社会学思考等问题。
他的新书《懊悔的力量：向后看如何激发我们向前进》讲述了“不后悔”哲学的错误之处。
虽然我没有读过这位作者的书，但社会学或者心理学等非小说类的书籍更值得我们去读。
如果你关注比尔盖茨，你会发现，每年他的书单很多都是人文社会科学类的书，很少有纯粹的虚构类小说。
作者为什么要写这本书呢？
why write a book on regret? theexternal reason is that we’ve gotten it profoundly wrong. if we do not understandthis emotion, then we are leaving its capability on the table. for mepersonally, it’s largely because i have regrets of my own. i can’t imaginehaving written this book in my 30s. but in my 50s, it felt kind of inevitable.
为什么要写一本关于懊悔的书呢？外在原因是我们对懊悔误解的太深。如果我们不了解这种情感，懊悔所带来的力量就无法为我们所用。
就作者个人来说，作者也有自己懊悔的事。30岁时作者可能写不出这本书，但到了50岁的年纪，他懊悔的事经历了不少。
正所谓艺术源自生活，作者过往的经历给了他很重要的启示：懊悔是一种力量。
基础上懊悔与个人稳定有关，指金融、健康、学校的学习等。
冒险上懊悔常与“要是我抓住那个机会该…”这句话联系，懊悔的范围很广泛。
道德上懊悔很复杂，在某些很细化的领域上会非常让人烦恼。
对全世界大部分人来说，无论他们的政治观点如何，霸凌和背信弃义都是不道德的事情。
当作者对一位左派美国人很多人对没有去军队服役很懊悔时，他说“那不是懊悔。”
这关系到责任感，它是另一种道德准则。它没有错误正确而言，但也没有更好或更坏。
懊悔到底是一种什么样的情感呢？作者将其分为四类。
you write about four core categories of regret:foundation regrets, boldness regrets, moral regrets, and connection regrets.can you explain the differences?foundation regrets are about stability: finances,health, about studying in school and university. boldnessregrets are about “if only i’d taken the chance,” a very large categoryof regrets. moral regrets are complicated; itgets super interesting in the very small category of things. to most peoplearound the world and of different political perspectives, bullying andinfidelity are bad things. but i told a left-leaning american of a regret a lotof people had about not serving in the military and he said, “that’s not aregret.” if you believe in a sense of duty, that’s a different moral code. it’snot wrong; it’s not better or worse.
作者在书中将懊悔分成了四类：基础类懊悔，冒险类懊悔，道德懊悔以及联系性懊悔。那其中的区别是如何呢？
联系性懊悔指什么呢？-人与人之间慢慢地失去联系
and connection regrets are about losing touch withsomebody because of a schism? these are often about relationshipsthat come apart in profoundly undramatic ways. it’s not people throwing platesat each other; it’s a slow drift. then one person doesn’t want to reach out becausethey think it’s going to feel awkward and they think the other side’s not goingto care. and they’re wrong.
哪种懊悔最常见？-联系性懊悔最常见。
which is the largest category? connection regrets. moralis the smallest, but there’s something about those that really stickwith people. there’s somebody in my book who stole candy from a grocery storewhen she was 10. and at age 70, she’s still bugged about that.
利用懊悔=从错误中总结教训一样吗？它们相互联系。
is there a difference between using regret andlearning from our mistakes? they’re related. mistake is an action; regret is afeeling. the thing about regret is that it hurts. and it hurts for a reason. itmakes it much more likely that i’m going to be awake to the possibility oflearning from that mistake.
懊悔会让你成为一个更好的领导者吗？直面懊悔会让你更优秀
can regret make you a better leader? ifyou deal with it right. ignoring regret is a really bad idea for leaders, becausethey’re not going to learn. but wallowing in it, in some ways, is even worsebecause it hobbles them. what i’d like for leaders is not to proclaim “noregrets” as this sign of courage, but actually to show courage by staring theirown regrets in the eye and doing something about them, and having honest,authentic conversations with their team. there’s evidence showing thatconfronting your regrets can make you a better negotiator, a better strategist,and a better problem solver. there’s even evidence that disclosing regrets andmistakes strengthens your standing and builds affinity rather than the reverse.
作者对待懊悔的方式是不是与天主教的某些教义很相似？
不，直面懊悔真是遵循了科学道理。
your steps for dealing with regret seem similar tothe way people who have faith deal with what they call sins. you confess, yourepent, you make amends, and you live differently. would not your process be avery familiar one to, say, catholics? our brains areprogrammed for positive emotions and negative emotions, because negativeemotions are functional. and our most common negative emotion is regret,because it’s also the most instructive and clarifying. so the fact thatreligious traditions have figured this out and tried to reckon with it is agreat sign. and the fact that their steps are similar to the steps sciencesuggests is also a great sign. what’s not a great sign is the utter captureof kind of broader cultural philosophy that suggests that you shouldn’t haveregrets, you should never look backward, and that if you have a negativefeeling, it should be banished.
从作者的角度来看，就是“不要害怕去懊悔”，“懊悔会带来积极的影响”。
“不后悔”的理念对个人成长不健康。但也希望你真能从懊悔中反思自己，了解自己，从新出发。
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